Hannah : Hannah’s A2 Work : Main Task : TASK

1st edit of my short film:

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Reflection on first edit:

What went well:

-I had no problems with the actors or their availabilities.

-I was able to edit all the shots I had chronologically.

What didn’t go well or needs doing:

-I haven’t finished filming the end of my film, so the story doesn’t make much sense for now as the ending is the crucial point .

-I need to add a closer shot of the writer writing.

– I also need to smothen the transitions and make sure there are no continuity  problems

To do list:

For the young boy

-built up a connection with the use of more CU such as his hands, zip, feet in puddle etc)

-Film a CU of his face looking straight into the camera to use as my first shot of him

-film him going into the house, falling up the stairs and all the ending. Use sliglty low angle shots for the ending as he now has the power over the writer.

-CU of him holding his head in pain

-extra shots of him walking

-maybe film some people walk by him at the begining making fun of him to reinforce the feeling of him being lonely and making the audience pity him.

For the Writer

-Establishing shot of a little cottage

-shot from outside the window looking in on him

-re film first shot with the dolly with him walking to his desk with cup of tea ans sitting down

-Extreme CU shots of writing+ other CU of him writing from over the shoulder POV shot

-add a dolly shot of him writing

-A few more shots of him wondering what to write and looking a bit meaner

-Re film his reaction to the tea spiling without smiling

-reframe quite a few shots

-add some Extreme CU shots at the begining

-shot of him scrunching paper up (after spiling the tea?)

-Extreme CU of him mixing tea then shot of puddle under mug

-type what the writer is wrinting on the screen

2nd edit: 

Reflection on 2nd edit:

What went well:

I managed to add lots of close up of the younger boy to build up a connection with the character. I also added the ending sequence which now gives a clearer understanding on what’s happening in the film. I also got rid of most of the writing shots, as they were unclear and decided to type up what he was writing, directly on the screen instead. I re filmed most of the shots of the writer with better lighting this time and a better quality camera. I also added a transition between when the writer scrunches up the paper and the reaction of the boy, to make the link clearer.

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What didn’t go well:

A lot of my shots are shaky, especially those where I’ve used the dolly. I also have a little bit of a continuity problem with the writer’s shots. I need to add effects to differentiate the two characters more, and add some transitions to show the difference between the real world and the made up story, which would then gradually become less obvious as they start mixing up. the lack of music at the moment also really doesn’t help as it makes the whole film quite boring.

To do list:

My main priority is now to add music in order to make the whole film more enjoyable to watch and make the separation clearer between the two characters. I also need to add an effect to either the shots of the boy or the writer, once again to emphasise this contrast.

I need to make sure none of my shots are shaky anymore and perhaps speed up the editing at the end to show how quickly the writer disappears.

After reading my audience’s comments, I realised that my ending wasn’t very clear and I might add a shot of the desk empty with no writer to make it clearer that he has disappeared. Or I could either film a shot of him sitting at the desk and then the same shot without him and dissolve the two shots together.

I’m also hesitating in adding a voiceover.

3rd edit:

Reflection:

What went well:

I’ve added music to the film even though it isn’t good enough and doesn’t quite suit the film. I cut out quite a lot of shots that were not very clear or shaky and got rid of the transition with the boys. I sped up the ending a bit and added a shot of the writer disappearing at the end.

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What didn’t go well:

The music stills needs a lot of working on, I need to change some of the shots with writing on the screen as they are two long. My whole film needs to be sped up  big to make in more interesting.

Screen Shot 2017-02-22 at 09.57.32.pngTo do list:

Add some additional filming at the very beginning and at the end. Cut out quite a lot of shots of the writer to make the paste of the film slightly faster and speed up some of the writing.

4th edit:

I decided to do a 4th edit even though not much has changed, but I’m planning on doing some final additional filming so I wanted to have a bot more feedback from my audience before I did so, in case they thought of something else that I should redo.

Reflection on this edit:

What went well:

I cut out a lot of the writer’s shots as some of the acting wasn’t very good and decided to have quite a lot of the writing of the story, on the shots of the younger boy instead. I also wrote in white when the younger boy is on the screen and in black when it’s the writer, to make a clear distinction between both of them. I also sped up some of the writing that was too slow.

What didn’t go well:

2 of the shots that I wanted to cut out due to something in the frame that I had’t noticed, are essential for the rest of the storyline so I might have to re film those. I want to slightly change the ending but don’t have enough footage so will also have to film more.

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To do list:

-add more colour to the phone shot

-get rid of continuity problem at 0:09

-figure out how to get the writing on the wall behind him

-do some additional filming

-re film stair scene

5th edit:

Reflection:

What went well:

I added the voice of the writer’s boss, pressuring the writer and deleted the phone shots. I like the effect these shots have on the film as they add pressure and tension to the narrative. I also added another music for the second part of the film as the current one didn’t fit well enough. I also found another font for the writing, which looks more similar to his writing. Lastly, I added a bell sound motif for every time a negative thing bounces back on the writer.

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What didn’t go well:

The shots of the boss aren’t dark enough and the second music still isn’t dramatic enough. I still haven’t built up the ending enough, as the ending and the music are too slow.

To do list:

-Work on sound throughout

-make ending more dramatic

-add filter to M. Warren’s shots

-make the music faster at the end

-change the sound near the end that appears with the close ups of what he’s written

-add all my credits and title

6th Edit:

What went well:

I’ve darkened the boss’ shots so they look more effective and I’ve added another shot of him where I felt it would be needed. I also overlaid a shot of him writing with a close up of the paper being written. I sped up the second music and am really pleased of the result. I also made the boss’ shots darker and darker throughout the film.

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What didn’t go well:

I cut out a bit of the writing at “He remembers to finish his homework for the next day” unintentionally. I also don’t like the sound I put near the end with the close ups of the writing so I need to change that.

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To do list:

-I need to film my opening title sequence and decide on a font and a place to write them and put my title

-I’m still unsure of what to call my film so I need to decide quickly

-I need to work on the sound more and try and find a more sinister music for the middle part.

-Add more pace earlier on in the film when he starts writing a bit more

-shorten the shots of the tissue

-Make M. Warren’s shots a bit louder and more aggressive

-add credits at the end

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7th edit:

Reflection:

What went well:

I darkened the shots with M. Warren and made them a bit louder and I decided on where to put my credits and title.

What didn’t go well:

I tried adding an extra music track in the middle to make it more sinister but I don’t like the result and even after working on it a lot, I find the transition between the two last musics too abrupt. I’m also unsure about the font I used for the actor’s names and am waiting to see what my audience thinks about that.

To do list:

-change the second music

-change the font of the actor’s names

-Modify end credits

8th edit:

Reflection:

What went well:

I improved the sound tracks and little sound effects. I deleted the music that I had added in my last edit as it didn’t fit my genre. I also added the sound of bell when the title appears and after the end credits which I think is quite good as it’s the sound motif that we hear throughout my film.

What didn’t go well:

I’m not sure about the fonts I used at the beginning.

To do list:

-change the font of the credits and the title

-make the title bigger

-maybe change the colour to a lighter one (beige, grey or white)

-cut earlier at the end of each M. Warren shots

-stabilise the first shot of rohan

-work on the zip sound

-maybe add a sinister sound after the gate shot

Deciding on where to place the title:

Final edit:

 

Reflection:

Overall I am very happy with my final edit, I managed to find a font that I liked for the title and another one for the credits. I had the idea to start writing the credits and then re write them as if they had been erased and re spelled, and I hope that my audience will like it. I also changed all the minor problems pointed out by my audience and worked on the music a bit more. Finally, I ended my film in a similar way that I had started, by making the title come up as “words always hurt” then disappear and be replaced by “Words never hurt” showing that the whole film revolves around writing and erasing.

13 thoughts on “Hannah : Hannah’s A2 Work : Main Task : TASK”

  1. This is a really strong short film, especially for a second edit – I really like your story! The storyline makes sense, and there are a variety of really good camera shots.

    However, some shots are a little bit shaky, for example the close-up of the man thinking at his desk near the beginning of the piece.

    The editing at the end could be sped up a little bit to further suggest the man is gone in a split second. Also, maybe a shot of the same desk he was sat at, but it’s empty and no one is sat in the room. As an alternative to the black screen at the end, you could possibly have a mid-shot of the man at the desk, and then dissolve to the same shot, just without the man.

    Hope this helps 🙂

  2. Lots of different camera shots which is great! The story line was clear and came together nicely towards the end, so made sense. But the blackout at the end confused me a little as I wasn’t sure what was meant by it. But overall a good film, and I would definitely love to see more!x

  3. Feedback for 2nd edit:
    Really good concept and good storyline, but I feel like sound is my main issue with this edit.
    It really needs some kid of motif or even voiceover to keep interest. Also, at times the sound between shots is too noticeable. The background noises emphasise the cuts too much.

    I hope this helped!

  4. -Selection of boys not very well presented
    – reduce length of scrunching up paper scene
    – More believable sneeze would be better
    – paper-cut scene not very realistic
    – write something like “Falls up the stairs” instead of what you’ve
    – hurting knee scene needs to be clearer
    – good ending but would be better with a slight rewinding sound and add a shot of an empty desk after the cup of tea or something.
    Very good/ original idea though! 💁🏼

  5. Your 4th edit is a big improvement upon your previous ones. As a viewer I found it much easier to follow.
    My main concern is the music choice, it doesn’t fit the ambience as well as it could. Maybe having music in parts would work better to show the change in mood of the characters.
    Other than that I spotted two easily correctible errors:
    -Firstly the word “finished” should be “finish” when it says “He remembers to finished his homework for the next day”
    -Secondly, when he walks upstairs, there is the fire escape in the background which doesn’t seem like much of a home environment. Is there another staircase you could use?

  6. Your 3rd bis edit has massively improved since your last. The addition of sound really has a huge effect on the audience now, making them engage more with the film and the characters.

    However, the sound continues until the end of the film, implying to the audience that something else is going to happen. Maybe remove the sound at the end and completely stop it when the man disappears.

  7. This edit is much better, I like the incorporation of the voice of Mr warren, I really like the new sound effects and music choice, The new dialogue/overlay can use some noise removal and Mr warrens scene maybe consider a colour correction, it just kinda seems a little off because it’s undersaturated but that may be your intention. Definitely looks and works a lot better now! Great progress

  8. Good 5th edit however, maybe you could include the voice/mouth of the boy’s English teacher, showing he is also under equal pressure.
    Also I feel like you should change the last shot, either darken it or put a crash zoom, or add a shot of his surprised/horrified look. Maybe simply adding a dissolve transition.
    You should also try putting the second magical sound a bit later,Mao it happens wile and a tiny bit after the incident takes place. Also i think you should change the camera clicking sound at the end when filming the boy’s phrase as it doesn’t sound right and gives the wrong impression. Hope this helps!

  9. I think you should change the font, colour and placement of the actors’ names at the beginning, making it look like scrawly writing with matching sound effects would be good. Maybe a slightly lighter colour, like grey or cream. I think you should also change the placement and font of the title, putting it at the top of the shot in bigger letters. Also allow a tiny bit more time before the tree consecutive “now”‘s as well as between the “do it…now” . 👍🏼

  10. I really like the use of the sound motif (the bells) when the man hurts himself and then cuts to the boy. I also like how you edited the title of the short film onto the writer’s wrist.

    I think that the font of the credits at the beginning and end of the piece should be changed, as they aren’t very conventional. Additionally, the change between the sounds at 1:52 seems a bit odd. To resolve this, maybe try to fade in and out of each sound, just to experiment. If this doesn’t work, keep trying other ways in which it could flow easier.

    Really good edit! Just a few minor changes and you’re golden!!!

  11. I really like the font used in your film and the way it enters the screen. If this was the first time I had watched it and didn’t know what your short film was about, I would’ve definitely been intrigued and interested!

    I love how the sound completely stops at the end, when the man/writer disappears. It’s abrupt, but in a good way. It suggests the power of the boy and is a really interesting concept.

  12. Your final edit is great!
    -From the beginning your title looks much better, not only because of the font, but also the way the arm is blurred to make the title even more in focus. Very effective.
    -I also like the way the opening credits are paired with sound effects to seem as if they are being rubbed out, as it fits the theme of your piece.
    -The sound motifs between the boy and the man are much more obvious now too, it makes it more clear that what is happening between them is fictional.
    -I’m not sure if it was added in or not but the sound of rain is not only very effective in setting the mood but also sounds very realistic. In particular, the bit where the boy is holding his head in pain, the sound of the rain sounds more aggressive, emphasising his pain.
    -The shot where the man gets a paper cut is effective as the close up makes it more clear of why he is in pain. It is also symbolic of the connection between the man, the paper and the boy (who previously cut his hand on a piece of wood).
    -Although it is not something you added specifically in your final piece, I also think the addition of the boss’s voice is effective as it creates a sense of urgency.

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